she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
