What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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