Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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