im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
