How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
farters have to be the big spoon...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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