wrigley field is MILF paradise
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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