Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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