Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
