she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
