Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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