I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
