if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
