batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
