: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
