Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
