Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
