I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just blew my weed a kiss
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
