you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
