Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
