I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
