My Higher Power is John Stamos
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
