She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
