I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
