just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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