I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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