thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
