Your mouth is God's brothel.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize