You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You may now shotgun with the bride
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
