I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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