the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
