I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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