I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
