I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I forget how to act sober
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