i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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