yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
