I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
