i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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