I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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