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I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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