i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
