Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
