if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
