There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
