It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
