You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
