At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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