I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
