Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my sisters under your porch take her home
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
