Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
