You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
