Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
