Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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