I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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