Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.