Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
