At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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