The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
