I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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