i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
