I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
