do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
