i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
