I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
