My sheets look like a crime scene.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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