Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
