you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
